there’s something endlessly hilarious to me about the phrase “hotly debated” in an academic context. like i just picture a bunch of nerds at podiums & one’s like “of course there was a paleolithic bear cult in Northern Eurasia” and another one just looks him in the eye and says “i’l kill you in real life, kevin”
Ok, but Jason clumsily – but purely – helping and supporting Tahani as she comes to terms with her sexuality is an idea that I could definitely get behind
have i told y’all about my overly elaborate mental zimbits “the bachelor” au
mmkay so in this incredibly self indulgent au (be warned, this gets kinda long):
-shitty and jack still went to samwell together, but no one else did
-fast forward roughly five years post-graduation. shitty, after deciding law school was doing nothing but making him miserable, dropped out and went into entertainment
-he worked himself up from an internship with abc to minor hosting gigs to eventually taking over as the host of the bachelor every monday night. he goes by his real name on the show, but weirdly enough the audio always seems to cut out when he introduces himself
-unfortunately, the year after shitty takes over, ratings for the show were dropping significantly
-”how can we get ratings back up?” asks abc executive number #1
so i’m riding the elevator up to my apartment when the emergency phone in the elevator starts ringing
and i just stand there for a second because this thing is like thirty years old and has never rung or even been used from what i know
but eventually i answer it thinking maybe something’s wrong with the elevator?? it’s an emergency phone it’s probably an emergency??? i dunno
except i shit you not it’s a telemarketer
a telemarketer that’s as confused as i am when i finally interrupt him mid-spiel to inform him he has the wrong number and then interrupt him again to explain further that “uh, no, seriously, this is an elevator phone. i’m standing in an elevator. talking to you. on the emergency phone. i really think you got the wrong number”
“oh,” says telemarketer guy.
“yeah,” i say.
there’s some mutually-confused silence.
“so, this is my stop,” i say. “i gotta go.”
“oh,” says telemarketer guy.
“good luck,” i add, because telemarketer guy seems like he’s having an existential crisis. and then i hang up on him, because he’s having an existential crisis and won’t actually end the call, and because again i’m talking on an elevator emergency phone and, you know, this is my stop, i gotta go.
2 dudes, chillin in open graves, 5 feet apart cause they’re not gay
This is actually an art piece by Miller & Shellabarger where they dug graves connected by a tunnel so they could hold hands. They are very much gay and irl married
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