His parents have carefully kept away from all ovens, because when he was born a curse was laid that by the time the sun set on his 21st birthday, he would burn his finger on an oven and fall into an eternal slumber
The fact that they’d managed it was almost as unbelievable as the curse itself.
Eric Bittle, ironically coming from a long line of bakers, had successfully never touched an oven in his life. In fact, he’d never even seen an oven in person, just pictures. Glossy Sears catalogs and later charming pastel ovens in country kitchens on Pinterest and double Viking ovens on the Food Network. Friends only ever came to his oven-less house for playdates, and as he got older and the friends became fewer this was less of concern. Suzanne Bittle learned to get creative with her recipes, using the tools that were safe to have around Eric to make the best meals she could.
Jack had the biggest car, so he drove. The rest of the team piled in wherever they could fit. Bittle got draped across Holster, Shitty, and Nursey’s lap while Ransom, Chowder, and Dex sat in the trunk space, hunched over to avoid being seen from the outside.
Lardo, in the passenger seat, quieted everyone so she could call Bittle’s parents as they pulled out of the driveway and headed to the hospital. She was quiet for a long time after she explained the situation, listening intently. Eventually, she said, “I’m sorry, he’s what?”
Ask and thou shalt receive. Also Alex it’s totally cool, and honestly did me a solid since this is probably the longest thing I’ve ever written (besides, I’m still loving “People should kiss Bittle in general. Bittle was young. Kissing was fun. Jack wondered how many people Bittle had kissed.”)
Not proofread, please excuse any errors.
They lay Bittle on his bed. There’s a moment where everyone hovers around the bed, staring down at Eric who is curled onto his side, the only sound in the room his small huffs of breath as he breathes deeply. If it weren’t for the knowledge of the curse (and Jack is still reluctant to buy into the idea, fighting the urge to kidnap Bittle away to the ER) Bittle would look perfectly fine. Instead the sight of Bitty’s eyes flickering back and forth beneath his eyelids makes Jack feel vaguely ill.
Lardo nods her head towards the door, “We should give him some privacy. Shits, you good to pick up his mom?” Shitty nods grimly, jangling his keys before turning and heading out the bedroom door, the rest of the team following in line behind him. Lardo gives Jack’s arm a gentle squeeze as she passes by, but doesn’t linger. Jack does.
Jack seems like the kind of person that would get lost in a resort town and while everyone’s looking for him he’s just hanging out at the candle shop thoroughly enjoying watching the employees dip and carve wax.
Bitty finally makes him a t-shirt for trips like this that says:
I love the idea of Bitty opening his twitter and finding lots of pictures that strangers have tweeted at him of like Jack wandering down the street, sitting in cafes, reading the historical plaques, falling asleep on random park benches, petting random dogs, etc
Another digital commission for the Year Two Kickstarter! Bitty and Jack enjoying a rainy day at Jack’s place. They are very happy (sleepy?) boys. Thanks for the awesome request, VG!!
Bitty comes out to his parents but he doesn’t tell them about Jack, thinks it’s for the best, maybe to ease his parents into things or maybe to keep the pool of People Who Know as small as possible
and like yeah Ransom and Holster are super oblivious but Suzanne Bittle is not, not when it comes to her son, because she is a certified Nosy Southern Mother and she can see he’s been acting differently, happier but quieter, always on his phone and blushing when she asks about boys
and he talks about the team a LOT
Jack’s one of his best friends and he’s just started his NHL career, so of course Bitty’s never gonna shut up about Jack
(Same goes for Shitty and law school. And eventually Ransom and med school. Dicky is proud of his friends and wants everyone to know. He gets that trait from Suzanne, she understands)
but he keeps talking about this one Boy, how sweet he is and how his smile is like a sack of puppies and how bitty’s always making this boy do things with him like baking and getting froyo and going shopping and Suzanne is like. Yes. This must be Dicky’s secret boyfriend.
the next family weekend or whatever, Suzanne demands to meet this Chowder boy who’s stolen Bitty’s heart
1) Jack is tweeting for Bitty thru his whole final paper fiasco, and he says Bitty says he’s excited for jam in GA.
2) dec. 20: “Surprising your boyfriend like”
3) dec. 22: Tweets about Jack’s shower.
4) dec. 25: “today: dinner with former teammates and a falconer”
5) dec. 26: boxing day brunch
6) dec 27: emotional saying goodbye.
Guys. Bitty totally faked Jack out. He made Jack believe he was going home to Georgia for Christmas, and then he SHOWED UP ON JACK’S DOORSTEP ON THE 20TH AND said “SURPRISE” AND THEY SPENT CHRISTMAS TOGETHER.
Okay so a Pitch Perfect AU
– Bitty is a freshman at Samwell University and gets inducted into the Samwell Men’s A Capella group by an over exuberant Holster (and Ransom)
– their group leader, holder of the pitch pipe, is a capella legacy, Jack Zimmermann who has no time for Bitty because –
-Bitty has stage fright. Like, hella stage fright. Cannot sing in front of people. Holster only dragged him in because he thought he looked like a good tenor
-(holster is not wrong but that is besides the point)
– Jack has absolutely no time for Bitty and is just gonna make him sing the “do-wops” in the background because he can’t kick him out since they need the bodies in order to compete
-then one day Jack accidentally walks in on Bitty while he’s showering and Bitty’s singing Halo and suddenly Jack understands why Holster dragged Bitty into the club
-so then it’s stage presence clinics. Jack’s mom is noted actress Alicia Zimmermann and his dad is famous oldies singer Bob Zimmermann (think like…Harry Connick Jr or something, dude sounds like Sinatra) and they met doing acapella in college so Jack Knows His Shit
-(he knows it even though off stage he’s every bit as brooding and awkward as canon JLZ)
– but it’s during these stage fright clinics that Bitty’s all “what if we, uh, danced? And did something more than stand in classic chorus lines? And also maybe did music from this century?”
– and they fight about it because they know their main competition at finals is gonna be Jack’s ex, captain of the Las Vegas Aces Kent Parson
– But like, Kent is known for being able to belt Katy Perry so Jack is wary of being similar
– also Jack doesn’t listen to modern music. And is still a crusty old history major. And absolutely will not listen to Bitty’s ideas.
– but then like, idk, Hamilton happens? And Holster convinces Jack that maybe Bitty is not wrong.
– long story short, they perform at least one Hamilton song at finals, one of Jack’s favorite oldies, and one of Bitty’s pop songs (*cough* halo *cough cough*) and Bitty choreographs them a dance (and pulls off a solo in halo) and they win and there’s a lot of kissing in perfect harmony
Actually in continuation – The Las Vegas Aces are actually also at Samwell, their name is just a misnomer? – and during a riff off, there’s Tension because of Kent Parson being Kent Parson and singing various filthy songs at them because he’s That Way – the song they sing on the bus is not Party in the USA it’s Bad Blood, which Jack only knows through osmosis (he’s the one who they have to wait for, not Bitty) – Shitty is, of course, Fat Amy
hello friends please if you can, I’d like you to imagine Jack Zimmermann, ding dong of my heart, being really bad at interacting with cashiers, waiters, etc. (like I am), and that is why Bitty comes home one day to find Jack with his head in his hands over a stack of save-the-dates for their wedding that read “Jack and Bitty” in a gorgeous font. And Bitty is trying to be supportive, but when Jack looks at him morosely and says, “When they asked for our names, I forgot your name is Eric,” Bitty can’t hold back his giggles. So he kisses his sweet fiance’s face and assures him the save the dates are actually much cuter this way and they are keeping them.
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