Imagine after Jack and Bitty come out, Jack posts a bunch of videos vlogging his morning surprise on his and Bitty’s anniversary on his Snapchat stories (which is basically old and dusty and unused because you know the guy only keeps the app for Bitty), and the videos go as follows:
1. The camera is too close to Jack’s face. There is shuffling in the background as Jack adjusts the angle until you realize the that Jack’s in his bedroom, and Bitty’s in a lump beside him, with covers up to his ears that’s drifting up and down to indicate his breathing.
Jack whispers to the camera, “I don’t make videos, that’s more Tater and Bits–Eric’s thing, but, um, it’s 5 AM on a Saturday, and today is our anniversary.”
2. About 20 seconds of Jack trying to leave the bed without disturbing Bitty. Bitty snorts about three times and you hear Jack catch his breath and freeze.
“I made it out of the bedroom. I’m going to make him breakfast in bed so, uh, hopefully that goes well and uhm…the kitchen doesn’t…catch on fire…not that it’s a possibility. I can make breakfast. Usually just eggs though.”
3. The kitchen is a mess. There is pancake batter and flour on the counter and a few floppy, pale prototypes in varying degrees of roundness in a pile on the island. The next shot is just Jack’s grimace.
“So Eric can make biscuits from scratch–actually, he can make a lot of things from scratch. So, uh, I’m trying to make pancakes from scratch, because Eric has banned Bisquick from the house…um, I got Maman’s recipe the other day, but it’s not going too well? I’ll clean up though, Eric won’t notice a thing.”
4. Throughout the cooking adventure, Jack manages to flip a pancake over without a spatula, and the camera records Jack’s pleased mumble of “Yesssssss.” He narrates a bit of college life and what he eats usually, but it’s mostly quiet with the occasional “Oh, God” when he accidentally knocks something over.
“Eric makes it look so easy. He used to bake pies all the time when we were in Samwell. I mean, he still does. Oh, and it’s 6:21. Still plenty of time….I used to wake Eric up at 4 in the morning for, um, checking practice. I think he’s always hated me a little for that. And this is karma getting back at me. I’m going to flip this now.“ The camera shows the pan again, and on this flip, the pancake lands on the edge of the skillet, mushy-side down. Jack uses his fingers to peel the pancake off and set it in the middle. “Oh, shi–no. I can fix this. Good as new.”
5. The final product is a nicely arranged meal of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon, with orange juice and coffee on the side. Everything is on the tray, and a vase of roses are next to it. Jack flips the camera over to give it a thumbs-up and a goofy smile.
“Done. Finally. The kitchen is intact, which is, um, always a good thing. I put a lot of creamer and sugar in the coffee, because Eric doesn’t like black coffee. It’s just sugar at this point, I think. Um, it is 7:02 on Eric’s day off from the bakery, so he usually sleeps in ‘til 10. Hopefully he doesn’t kill me for this.”
6. Back in the bedroom, Bitty is rubbing his eyes and squinting, his golden hair a mess and still cocooned in the safety of his blankets.
“Jack, honey, why are you up so early? Did you go jogging?” He yawns. “This is an ungodly hour, Lord, I don’t know how you do it.”
Jack’s voice comes through, soft and adoring, “Happy Anniversary, Bits.”
The video cuts off Bitty’s gasp when he notices the breakfast and flowers, “Oh, happy an–oh my God, Jack, you didn’t–?”
7. The last video is Bitty tucked under Jack’s chin, his face burrowed in the hollow of Jack’s throat. Jack is grinning like he just won a Stanley.
“He cried,” Jack says, like he’s proud.
“I did not,” Bitty’s muffled voice says. “You just surprised me.”
Jack presses a kiss to Bitty’s hairline and mumbles something. Bitty burrows in closer, if that is even possible. If Jack had been any louder, the viewers would’ve heard a low “I love you so much” in French.
and crying into his fur about the bullies and how he thinks he might be gay
and
señor
bunny being his only friend throughout school
because bitty had school friends, but he didn’t want to let anyone too close, just in case
and then
señor
bunny is being packed up and brought to Samwell
and it’s more of the same at first, but bitty seems stronger
and then suddenly he’s so, so happy because they KNOW
and they DON’T CARE
and sometimes bitty doesn’t come to bed on time because he’s sleeping away his hangover in the kitchen, but he always says good morning when he comes back up
and
señor
being jarred awake at 4 in the morning because bitty is grumbling about practice
but he’s so much happier, and that’s all that senor can hope for, but bitty hasn’t been around much and there are no other toys to talk to
señor
bunny has never been this out of the loop with bitty’s life before
and suddenly bitty is glowing, on his phone or the computer almost constantly
and he brought
señor
bunny to madison for the summer and back to Samwell
but suddenly bitty is gone most of the time – somewhere named Providence?? and
señor
is not allowed to come
and then jack visits, and señor bunny knows where bitty has been, because his owner is glowing
but suddenly he’s shoved off the bed, bitty is giggling, and a sock-covered foot accidentally kicks him under the bed
it’s dark, and there are dust bunnies, and he’s never felt so alone. he’s happy that bitty is happy, but couldn’t he be a part of it too?
and he waits. because surely bitty will find him now that it’s morning, right? bitty always says good morning.
cue “when he loved me” by Sara Mclachlan when jack and bitty get up for the day, and bitty doesn’t even notice
señor bunny is gone
DON’T THINK ABOUT IT
BUT THEN
it’s been months
señor bunny has given up all hope. he’s going to be stuck in this hockey frat house forever. bitty doesn’t love him anymore, and he’s moving out to be with jack
but suddenly, there’s light, and the bed is moving
a gasp
“I found him!”
bitty is almost crying, scooping señor bunny up in his arms and holding him close. “I thought I lost him on one of our moves! I can’t believe he’s been here this whole time!”
“this is your stuffed bunny, yeah? I saw him once or twice when you were too slow to hide him.” jack is here, too. the room is practically bare.
“chirp chirp chirp, that’s all you do.” bitty retorts. he holds señor bunny out. “Jack, señor bunny. señor bunny, Jack.”
“nice to meet you,” jack gingerly shakes his paw. señor might cry. he’d never been introduced to anyone before, especially not someone as important as a boyfriend.
“thank goodness I found you before I left,” bitty murmurs, cuddling him again. “I cried for days when I realized I lost you.”
and when they all move to Providence, señor bunny is not the most prominent fixture of bitty’s life like he used to be, but he’s okay with that. especially when jack and bitty bring a pink bundle home and introduce him to their new addition.
“say hello, señor bunny. I think you two will get along just fine.”
Every hour spent together Lives within my heart When he loved me
when my brother was gonna propose to his girlfriend, he wanted to pay for the ring in cash so he withdrew the money from the bank and then he sort of….wandered around town running other errands until it was time for his appointment with the jeweler.
my point here is that Jack Laurent Zimmermann, the kid who grew up wealthy and now has his own multi-million dollar contract with an NHL team and therefore doesn’t fully understand the concept of money, would walk around downtown Providence, killing time with several thousand dollars in his pocket like it ain’t no thang.
when Bitty finds out, he shits a literal brick.
Bitty: “So what’d you do today, sweetheart?”
Jack: “I stopped at the bank, and then I took a walk through the park for a bit. I got some really nice pictures; I’ll show them to you when you come up next week.”
Bitty: “That sounds great! Seems like you had a relaxing afternoon.”
Jack: *looks shifty*
[fast forward to the next week]
[insert proposal scenario of your choice here]
Bitty: “Is this what you were doing last week when you took all those pictures? You stopped at a jeweler?”
Jack: “Yes.”
Bitty: “I’m surprised you went to the park after that. I’d have been too keyed up.”
Jack: *looks shifty*
Bitty:
Jack:
Bitty:
Jack:
Bitty: “Oh no. Honey. Sweetie. Darling. Jack Laurent, tell me you didn’t walk around taking pictures of ducks with a thousand dollars in your pocket. Tell me you didn’t do that. Even if you have to lie, just tell me that you didn’t.”
Check Please au where Jack doesn’t drink at Haus parties because the last time he drank with Shitty, they ended up married in Vegas
Shitty would bring it up constantly. “It’s just…*sigh*… the romance was gone, ya know? There I would be, dinner on the table, and all he had time for was practice.” or “My beautiful Canadian ex-husband, now that you have signed, I will be expecting my portion.” or “Gasp! Jack, did you use me to get American citizenship??? I feel so used.”
Shitty sending him stuff for their wedding anniversary, long after they have graduated and Jack’s teammates are like, “Who are the flowers from?” Jack would just sigh and hang his head: “My ex-husband.”
Reporters finding out that Jack was married and just having a field day with it. Shitty getting interviewed, wiping away tears as he says that he will always love Jack, but their marriage was doomed from the start because Jack’s heart always belonged to hockey.
Bitty and Jack finally getting together and Shitty texts Jack late one night. Bitty chirps Jack like crazy, wanting to know if he should be jealous and if he is really over his ex-husband. Shitty sending Jack pics of him “seductively” posing. Bitty’s wide-eyed, trying to look hurt but barely managing to hold back his giggles, “Are you sexting him? Is it the mustache? I’ll try growing one or I’ll get a fake one. Please don’t leave me for that glorious flow.”
hear me out here…. great british bake off jack/bitty AU
i have been waiting for someone to make this post…except it’s the great north american bake-off of course
the interesting thing about the show, though, is that no one on it bakes for a living, right?
so jack is a pro-hockey player who bakes as a hobby and then the challenge days somehow work with his off-season training schedule (??? go with it) and baking has always helped him de-stress and gives him a routine to focus on
and bitty does whatever you do with a liberal arts degree (i could write a whole post about bitty being the greatest fuckin school teacher ever for literally any grade especially middle school but i’m also partial to radio/broadcast journalism) full-time
so during week one bitty’s listening on his iPod and dancing a little bit while his stuff’s in the oven because it helps him calm his nerves and he’s not even really doing it to draw attention but he inevitably does and jack is at the work bench behind him and he’s just trying not to laugh but then bitty turns around, catches him staring, and smiles and says “keep your eyes on your bake, quebec” and thus begins the start of a flirtatious/competitive relationship between the td&h quebecer and the southern belle, who from then on always pick the benches next to each other
during week two, bitty’s on the table behind jack and he gets um…a nice eyefull of zimmerbooty whenever jack takes something out of the oven. and to double the unfairness it’s breads and jack gets all smug showing off how much he works out whenever he’s kneading dough
and then a few challenges later, they’re all waiting for their bakes to prove and jack just goes to bitty’s work table to tease him and bitty just tosses flour in his face, but it’s like the thing in Women, Food, and American Culture with the angle of the sun and the tight t-shirt so bitty realizes he has feelings but jack is a pro-hockey player so he knows (or thinks) it can’t go anywhere
and during weeks when it seems like one of them might be close to getting eliminated, the other gets really sad, but they both manage to make it to the penultimate week…but then jack’s bakes fall flat and even though it’s just the on-camera goodbye hug, bitty’s like, genuinely teary-eyed that jack’s going to leave on camera.
so at the end of the day, jack asks bitty if he wants to walk out with him, to the parking lot, in private. and the whole while bitty tries to keep his composure and make a light joke of it but he’s so sad and when jack’s sure he’s out of earshot of the other contestants, he says “i overbaked.”
and bitty’s just…you definitely had other issues. ”oh. i know, that happens–”
“–because my eyes weren’t on my bake…they were on you.”
ok but! political talk radio Host Mr. Crappy a la Stephanie Miller, Bitty is the young call screener/intern and Jack is a Humorless Liberal who calls in but gets inexplicably popular because he’s such a great straight man against Mr Crappy’s bombastic style.
“Halllo, you’ve reached the Political Party show with Mr. Crappy, this is Bitty, can I have your name, where you’re from and what you’re calling about?” “Yes, hi, this is Jack in Providence. I’m calling to talk about Trump’s speech.” “Well, hello there, Jack, I’m gonna put you on hold and Mr. Crappy’ll pick you up when he’s ready. Make sure to mute your radio and just listen through the phone, okay?” “Okay.”
“Hallllo, you’ve reached the Political Party show with Mr. Crappy, this is Bitty,
can I have your name, where you’re from and what you’re calling about?”
“This is Jack in Providence. I’m calling about the new poll.” “Why, hello there, Jack, I remember you from last week. Liked that point you made about Trump’s awful sexism, bless his heart.” “Not sure he deserves blessing.” “Well, you sure ain’t from the South. Now, I’m gonna put you on hold. Make sure to mute your radio, mmkay?”
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