I’m in a science class now which means I’m basically a scientist so I can tell you all with confidence that the Earth weighs over thirteen pounds
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Kate: if you don’t Kobe that right now I’m going to yeet it right at you
me: can you please just not speak
me: the goats [in once on this island] didn’t win an oscar
Kate: why would they win an oscar
me: a tony! they didn’t win a tony!
Kate: were they nominated for a tony?
me: no that’s the real robbery
Kate wants to do drag make up on my face can someone please come rescue me
We usually don’t pull our window shades up or down because we’re pathetic and can’t really figure out how but I just got back from work to possibly the funniest note Kate has ever left me
me: It’s interesting that your boots have the zipper on the back. Usually shoes have zippers on the side.
Kate: No. Some shoes have zippers on the back. For example, these shoes.
me: …
Kate: That’s an example of circular reasoning! LSAT!
Kate keeps shoving things (including her entire head) into my nose to try to make me smell them
my hobbies
- switching between the same three apps for hours
- not speaking to anyone for days at a time
- listening to the same songs i have been listening to for 20 years
- imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
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