I just got emotional about the idea of Shitty being all “you don’t understand prejudice because you’re white and a man” toward Holster one day, and my boy Adam Bitkholtz ripping him a new one about the intersectionalities of biphobia, queerphobia, and antisemitism, and just Shitty being completely shook.
Like Shitty was studying something at the library for one of his women’s studies classes and he starts talking about it at the table, and Holster tries to offer some of his own opinions when Shitty shuts him down with that whole ‘you don’t know prejudice" bs and Holster straight up lectures Shitty.
Like a complete 20 min long rant in the middle of the library. And when someone tells them to be quiet, Adam “Too Much” Birkholtz calls him a waspy, straight bitch before storming out of the room in a fury.
Holster makes Shitty read up on Scott Fried as an apology and Shitty sends him a 2,000 word essay MLA format about the duality of being queer and Jewish in America.
Idk about you but I’m still crying at the thought.
Ok but this has me thinking:
Shitty learns the most about social justice and oppression from his friends.
The Gender and Women’s Study program is supposed to be “the tits” according to Shitty, but from the perspective of a privileged White Boy, that doesn’t really say much to me.
Having taken courses at my own university in feminism and women’s studies, they are mostly taught by white cishet men who don’t have any real life experience in the things they teach.
So like he starts waxing poetic about the textbook versions of feminism and intersectionality and all that jazz
And the boys just lay into him.
Like Bitty starts reclaiming some slurs that used to be used against him, and Shitty tells him “you can’t say that” or something like that and bitty just raises an eyebrow at him.
And shit like this just keeps on happening.
He says something ignorant about race to Ransom.
He talks about how great a movie where a white actor plays an Asian character looks and Lardo and Chowder give him a side eye.
Like give me problematique Shitty who learns by making mistakes and having his friends smack that shit outta him.
He has written dozens of apology essays just for his friends.
They keep them in a scrapbook.
Shitty graduates, but the scrapbook stays. One day a taddie says something ignorant, gets one hell of a smackdown, and writes an essay.
It happens enough times that eventually it’s just a known consequence. Pet names in public? Sin Bin donation time. Fuck up your social justice? Submit your essay to the Shitty Knight Essay Scrapbook.
top check, please comedic moments in no particular order:
•sriracha cupboard
•"JACK LAURENT ZIMMERMANN DO NOT BLASPHEME"
•"pies just…appear" “we’ve only been here five minutes”
•lardo’s boob art
•"e-SPECIALLY secretary of state"
•ugly baby jack
•roach vs attic discourse
•no pie in hazing
•look at him, sitting on that nhl bench like a pro
•jack catching rans/holtz staring at his ass
•fry guy
and of course, my personal favorite
•"MEN.“
feel free to continue this list
THAT’S SOME SICK FLOW
The random girl that pukes up a fountain during the first Hockey Shit w/ Rans and Holtzy
“Bitch-ass naked and shit-faced”
Bitty’s faces when he imitates that rival hockey player
Bitty getting rid of all the beer in the fridge and restocking it with butter; lots of it
The running gag about baby!Jack looking like an old turnip
Baby!Jack pooping in the Stanley Cup 3x
The lost and found with pinned up thongs, bras, and a sock filled with jizz
🔸"You were in town, Zimmermann- DWEEB town! “
🔸"We’re late for our south campus pottery studio tour”
🔸 Beer in basement cooler. ❤ ERB “So totally ultra not cool”
🔸"Cock-a-doodle-mother-fucking-doo! Rise and shine and get out my haus!“
🔸"I went expecting it to be weird– it was. ”
🔸"Yeah, but that’s like, the really nice trash can.“
“was that a theme song?”
“And I brought y’all G O O D I E B A G S”
regarding the roach vs attic discourse: “ET TU, LARDO?”
“Bitty likes girls who can bake.” “You guys are idiots.”
Tango asking Chowder what his favorite team is while standing in a room full of Sharks merch
“But actually there’s a youth hockey tournament today so we have to get out of here by 7.”
Check Please au where Jack doesn’t drink at Haus parties because the last time he drank with Shitty, they ended up married in Vegas
Shitty would bring it up constantly. “It’s just…*sigh*… the romance was gone, ya know? There I would be, dinner on the table, and all he had time for was practice.” or “My beautiful Canadian ex-husband, now that you have signed, I will be expecting my portion.” or “Gasp! Jack, did you use me to get American citizenship??? I feel so used.”
Shitty sending him stuff for their wedding anniversary, long after they have graduated and Jack’s teammates are like, “Who are the flowers from?” Jack would just sigh and hang his head: “My ex-husband.”
Reporters finding out that Jack was married and just having a field day with it. Shitty getting interviewed, wiping away tears as he says that he will always love Jack, but their marriage was doomed from the start because Jack’s heart always belonged to hockey.
Bitty and Jack finally getting together and Shitty texts Jack late one night. Bitty chirps Jack like crazy, wanting to know if he should be jealous and if he is really over his ex-husband. Shitty sending Jack pics of him “seductively” posing. Bitty’s wide-eyed, trying to look hurt but barely managing to hold back his giggles, “Are you sexting him? Is it the mustache? I’ll try growing one or I’ll get a fake one. Please don’t leave me for that glorious flow.”
alright so we all know that bitty has a youtube channel, hence the whole premise of the comic, but what if the rest of the group had youtube channels as well?
jack starts a youtube channel after the overdose. he found himself intrigued when he had too much time on his hands and he delved into youtube to discover hey these people are kind of cool, what if i made a channel?
at first it’s just simple things. he gives tips on how to work out and not push yourself too much. describes different hockey plays and the pros and cons of each. he has a segment where he talks about history, some of his favorite stories and cool little tidbits he thinks people should know
most people originally start following him because damn his face and also you know he’s pretty well known as a hockey player in certain circles and it’s interesting to see the person behind that
after watching two or five or twenty of his videos, however, people realize that wow he’s actually really interesting? like his history stuff is all about the underappreciated looked over part of history and all the stories are really interesting and his hockey tips are actually really helpful to people who play and, okay, the workout videos maybe aren’t incredibly interesting but when you’re watching jack zimmermann do squats in tiny compression shorts you really don’t have any complaints
he gains a decent following, a huge mix of people from all different areas. there are his hockey fans, his history buffs, the people just there to look at his pretty face and call him their “son” (jack doesn’t really get it but it’s way better than the ones who call him daddy so he isn’t gonna question it)
it goes on for about a year, jack sharing history and hockey and little things about his life with his Zimbos (that’s what they call themselves? he isn’t really clear on the name. it sounds like bimbos which is mean, isn’t it?) when the first Video comes out.
it’s titled Anxiety.
it’s just jack sitting at a desk with his room in the background. he explains the basics of anxiety and how it can be diagnosed and treated. it’s clinical, really, nothing too personal at all, but it’s the expression jack wears as he speaks that hits the Zimbos where they live. he looks like a scared child, frightened and lonely.
it’s the first in a series of mental health videos that jack posts.
he continues with his history-hockey-work out aesthetic, but every once in a while it’ll be just him, in his room, talking about mental health. he ends each video with a reminder to his viewers to take care of themselves, not to push themselves too hard, and to be a little selfish when it comes to self-care. it’s always softer, more intimate, despite the clinical way in which jack talks.
he never explains his story, the overdose and the draft and rehab, but no one really asks. only outsider assholes that have no idea what the channel is about ever mention it. sometimes they post idiotic questions about coke, but if they do, they’re drowned out by the rest of the Zimbos who, instead of fighting the original dickface, flood the comments with love for jack, making the original shitty thing dissapear in the rest of the comments. they never get to see the small smiles that jack wears when he sees this, but it still means the world when he replies with a simple, “thanks” and no context.
after the cut for the rest of the crew because damn this got long
today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”
this post had me in tears
I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:
I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,
My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn
Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”
Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.
This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))
I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”
Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.
When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”
something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”
one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”
Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”.
I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”
I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”
I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T
This post is too good. I once tried to say have a nice day or have a good day to a customer and said ‘Have a nude gay!’. Still haven’t recovered.
OOC: i get really used to working nights or days at my work so i’m often jumbled between “have a nice night” and “have a good day” so often it comes out as “have a nice neigh” or “have a good date” or occasionally even “have a night die”
in first grade someone apologized to me and i responded by saying “you’re welcome” and i still haven’t recovered
one time while working at a summer camp I poured milk into some kids cereal looked him straight in the eye and said, “thank you”
can we stop trashing enjolras in e/r i’m all for monstrous enjolras characterization, but more along the lines of ‘this bar is now only serving molotov cocktails’ instead of being written as verbally abusive
i know the ‘incapable of thought belief life death etc etc’ section is maddening my first thought was ‘mon ange you shot a man like three chapters ago but that will not deter me from punching you in the face’ but people use that scene to justify cruel, horrible enjolras when the context is grantaire harrassing and bullying a waitress on a battlefield completely wasted while the rest of them prepare for war. it’s not as pointlessly harsh as people make it out to be, it’s the last fucking straw. the revolution is what enjolras has been working towards his whole life, why do people take this line and act like it’s a regular occurrence?
he’s disdainful, and (ironically h a ha) skeptical of grantaire, and hugo lets us know he’s rebuffed him many times but I don’t see a basis for interpreting him as the kind of guy who delivers an Ego Eviscerating speech for anything less than ‘I’m literally preparing to fight and die while you’re being a useless dick’ hugo says he felt ‘lofty pity’ not ‘you’re the worst and i fucking hate you’
i think it’s pretty obvious from hugo’s earlier drafts that enjolras didn’t expect OFPD (his ’thank you’ holds so much surprise & gratitude) i don’t think enjolras knew and understood the extent of grantaire’s loyalty (i don’t think grantaire did either: ‘without being clearly aware of it, and without any notion of explaining it to himself, he was spellbound––’)
yes, several passages talk about how “sweet” and “tender” he was but that tenderness is also accompanied by sass, bullshit, and melodrama, would you expect sincerity from someone who follows you around saying shit like ‘what marmoreal magnificence?’ unreal
i would think they’re fucking with me, not ‘maybe we’ll die holding hands’ and grantaire offering to help with your revolution when he goes around whistling monarchy tunes to piss you off is like a troll blog offering to help you with your latest politically progressive news article, you’re gonna sideeye the fuck out of it. why people think enjolras knows how grantaire feels about him when he ‘barely perceived roses, he was oblivious of spring, he did not hear birds sing, etc etc’ and would go out of his way to be cruel even knowing that is beyond me
I agree completely. Sometimes in fanfiction the whole basis for E/R to happen is that slowly Enjolras changes his perception of Grantaire, who it turns out is actually a great guy.
Obviously everyone is entitled their own interpretation of the story, but I feel that while in canon too we could interpret their death holding hands as a change of heart coming from Enjolras, this doesn’t come from Enjolras realizing that he has been a bastard all along. It comes from Grantaire finally proving his loyalty and his devotion towards him: it is Grantaire, not Enjolras, that changes his behaviour.
i’d argue that Enjolras does change, but it’s subtle and I missed some of it the first time round because of how vague the ‘bare breast of Evadne’ reference is. a classicist on here (i honestly don’t remember who made the post or where to find it but if I do i’ll link) pointed out that it’s not actually a reference to him not being attracted to breasts, why would it be when hugo spent the entire earlier paragraph stating his lack of attraction to women? that’s just overkill. it actually references evadne tearing at her clothes before jumping onto her lover’s funeral pyre to join them in death, meaning that enjolras gives zero fucks about loyalty that’s only based in love and not ideology. self sacrifice for love? that doesn’t achieve anything or save anyone? how pointless! he reveres sacrifice in the name of politics (mabeuf) but not that.
and then we have the barricades, and enjolras starts to think more of these personal attachments, tells men to think of their dependents, their families, the man who didn’t notice spring notices a mother holding vigil for her son, and this culminates in OFPD. because you’re right, grantaire changes! that is the heart of OFPD, that’s why it’s powerful, hugo describes him as transformed, he speaks loudly and bravely, he announces his loyalty to the revolution (and this is notable, in earlier drafts it goes more ‘i’m with him, shoot me’ hugo deliberately chooses ‘long live the republic!’)
it is, of course, out of love, but it’s a moment of triumph and defiance, not evadne’s despair, and he’s not the only one who changes. enjolras sees the value of loyalty that’s motivated by love, he sees its potential to transform a person, and smiles.
Love this discussion – I’ve been biting my tongue for a long time and wanting to write a long piece on how much I dislike the pissy, cruel, petty and ranty Enjolras of fanfic, but I’m reluctant to do so as I don’t want to be seen to be attacking individual authors. Seriously – it seems almost no E/R fic is complete without Enjolras having, at some point, to apologise for wronging Grantaire.
That aside, and agreeing with the original point, I do also agree that Enjolras evolves and Grantaire is an essential part of his character arc. But not because he accepts any truth Grantaire espouses, or that Grantaire is “right” in his cynicism. Quite the opposite. Grantaire accepts Enjolras’ overarching vision and belief, and Enjolras accepts Grantaire’s flawed, messy, wonderful humanity and the love that accompanies it.
The Enjolras we originally meet is not concerned with the personal, intimate, human and domestic sphere – in addition to Evadne’s bare breast not moving him (and, as you correctly identify, this is not a sexual appeal he’s ignoring – it is a human supplication for pity and bending rigid strictures), we also have his response to Courfeyrac’s teasing about Rousseau. His response is partly fuelled by Courfeyrac ‘s appalling pun using a word he has made up to tease Enjolras (thus the strength of the “FFS, Courfeyrac “ we get from Enjolras), but it’s also prioritising the good of “the people” above the good of the individual.
By the time we get to the barricades, this has changed. He is willing to compromise the verdict of the Republic he has delivered on Javert to attempt to save Prouvaire (even though releasing Javert potentially endangers anyone who survives the barricade, Enjolras will risk that – Javert’s sentence of death means less to him than saving the life of his friend). The Enjolras we first met would have sacrificed the individual to the greater good. The Enjolras of the barricades – the incarnation of the ancient Themis – will compromise the abstract ideas of justice to save Prouvaire. And when he conducts his reconnaissance on the morning of the 6th June, he spots an elderly woman praying by candlelight and assumes she has a male relative at the barricade, which he conveys to Combeferre. We have, in a sense, come full circle from the bared breast of Evadne – here is a human appeal, in individual appeal, and Enjolras wants to grant it. He wants to send those with dependents from the barricade. It is a subversion of old Roman ideals, the mother who tells her son to come home with his shield or on it. In this case, she is no Roman mother – she wants her child back. And Enjolras would grant that if he could.
So the groundwork has really been laid for OFPD, and it is not wholly one sided. Grantaire is transfigured and embraces the cause of a greater, abstract good (I’m really uncomfortable with interpretations that gloss over this and suggest his motives are purely driven by his love of an individual man, individual motives and a desire to keep Enjolras from dying alone, as it glosses over the fact that Grantaire is transfigured and is wholly subsumed in the cause for which his friends die, and for which he dies). But as Grantaire embraces the wider abstract cause, Enjolras also embraces the individual man who is doing this. Enjolras has done all he can do for his cause, and would have died content without Grantaire, confident that a better day will dawn. He is tranquil before Grantaire wakes, resigned, powerful, magnificent. He has said and done all he can do for his cause, and barely even spares monosyllabics for the men who will kill him. His job is done.
But then – Grantaire arises and joins him. That smile, that handclasp, that appeal “If you permit it” and Enjolras’ acceptance of it, are personal. Yes, it’s an acknowledgement of Grantaire’s sacrifice for the Republic, but it is also a moment of personal and human connection. Their arcs are done, and finally meet in each other. Grantaire has arisen, transfigured – Enjolras told him the barricade was a place for intoxication, not drunkenness, and that is what Grantaire has embraced (thus the title of the chapter). But Enjolras, too, having done his part for the grand march of progress, also comes to reach out to the human, personal, intimate, flawed, chaotic and wonderful part of humanity.
Hugo told us earlier that Enjolras was incomplete, as much as the absolute could be incomplete…but also that under the influence of Combeferre (and, I’d venture, his other friends – there is much of Feuilly in his “View from a Barricade” speech, for example) that he was evolving, and the narrowness of his vision was taking on a more universal aspect. I believe that is what we see here, with the embrace of Grantaire at the very end of his life – he dies complete. His story in respect of the Republic is done before Grantaire awakes – he has said and done all he must say and do, and all that remains is for him to die. But the last moments, when an inspired Grantaire arises and takes his hand with an appeal, are an affirmation of the personal, individual and intimate.
You are a terrible influence, I hope you know this.
You would think Jack is the prince, but he actually is not. Sir Robert of Fief Zimmermann is the King’s Champion and fought many important duels in his day. He’s a legend and a hero and probably has a Gift and Mithros’s blessing and the second Jack gets a sword in his hand everyone assumes he’s going to be yet another legend.
Which, yikes.
So obviously Jack is proficient with a sword and even more so with a lance (people don’t talk to you so much when you are up on horses. Jack likes being on horses. He can get away faster) and he hasn’t got much by way of Gift but he uses what he’s got to push himself farther and faster during page training.
When he’s about to be promoted to squire and it’s obvious that the best knight next to his father is going to choose him as his squire, things Go Wrong.
Kent Parson becomes that knight’s squire. Jack spends three years in the City of the Gods training his Gift. Not that it needs three years of training, but he needs three years away.
So, as it happens, when Jack returns to Corus and the path to knighthood, the prince is in his same year of squires.
He is not sure how His Highness acquired the nickname “Shitty,” but whatever, he will go with it.
Shitty obviously immediately adopts Jack as his BFF (they both get chosen by Falconers as squires, various NHL teams are probably like companies of the Own or something?), and Jack is leery because if he and Shitty are best friends is everyone going to start talking about him being King’s Champion someday again? (It’s not like Bad Bob and Shitty’s awful dad are BFFs, but it is the kind of thing that gets talk.)
Shitty is not a very good jouster but he has fun and that’s really what matters.
After a year Ransom and Holster join them, and also the Falconers acquire someone detailed to their quartermaster section from the Riders, who Shitty immediately decides is His Person even though she is (*gasp*) not noble. And then there is even more jousting, and Jack makes friends, and it is all very heartwarming.
And then, Jack’s third year as a squire, two things happen.
First, they go on Progress. This is necessary because it’s where all the jousting seems to happen in Tortall.
Second, there’s a new squire in town. (”Yeah,” says Sir Johnson, “I don’t know why I’m on the Falconers either? But it’s what we need to get this narrative moving.”) And this squire … he’s small enough Jack doubts his horse can feel him without full plate armor. He’s got a Gift that really only seems to come out in making sure that every piece of food cooked on their journey is delicious (somehow he made pie happen??? If his Gift is that good, why isn’t he doing more useful things with it?????), and he’s incredibly fast on a horse. Watch him tilt at a target and his form is perfect enough to make you weep.
Come at him with a lance and he falls off his horse before you even hit him with it.
Jack Is Very Frustrated. This boy is going to be a knight of the realm! His technique is great! His speed is dazzling! He is somehow so afraid of being knocked off his horse that he will do it voluntarily instead of risking violence!
Wow this is getting long.
Anyway, several things happen. Jack starts tutoring Bitty in Staying On Horses While Jousting (”Shouldn’t you be doing this?” Jack’s knight-master asks Johnson. “You will be thanking me later, I promise,” says Johnson). Bitty, coincidentally, begins to stay on horses while jousting, though there is an incredibly nerve-wracking incident involving his first real unseating and a concussion. Jack learns how to make trail rations that do not taste terrible. Everyone starts taking bets on how long it’s going to take Dex and Nursey to challenge each other to a duel pretty much the instant they’re put in proximity. And, his last joust before becoming a knight, Jack is unhorsed by Kent Parson.
He becomes a knight anyway. So does Shitty. Both of them cry waiting for the other to come out of the Ordeal, and Jack hardly sleeps for a week after his. The Falconers ask for Jack to join them for at least the first several years of his knighthood. Jack agrees.
“I’m being sent to Tusaine on a diplomatic mission and it doesn’t seem to be fair to take Bitty away just when he’s coming into his own,” says Johnson. “He’s all yours.”
TWO YEARS OF SOLID CLOSE-PROXIMITY PINING because Bad Bob probably did the Graduation Prod when Jack was knighted but was not expecting his son to get a clue approximately thirty seconds before being given power over this kid, which is the worst timing in the world, really.
Bitty gets through the Ordeal and comes out and Jack takes one look at his face and finds an excuse for them to find a quiet corner somewhere and they make out.
There were going to be more feelings in that last section but this is ridiculously long.
Ahahahaha so Perry asked me just how spurious “Enjolrati” is as a plural (the answer, of course, is “extremely, but that’s what makes it funny”) and what the actual Latin plural of “Enjolras” would be
now, actual classics nerds who have had more than a year of college Latin and use it for things besides dumb party tricks are free to correct me, but
Assuming “Enjolras” is a third-declension noun in the same paradigm as “libertas, libertatis” (because that’s what it looks like and also because of fucking course look I am easily amused)
– the “real” plural is “enjolrates” which sounds like a joke in its own right – “enjolrati” is totally legit… in the dative singular, so if you were going to give Enjolras a book, a sad blowjob, or a glorious revolutionary death and you are also speaking Latin, you’re in luck – enjolratibus – ENJOLRATIBUS – what would an enjolratibus even look like – would they paint it tricolor and argue over which version got to drive it – would they be able to pass a well-placed tavern without stopping to overturn it and build a barricade – no. no they would not – but shut up Bossuet, the omnibus joke was bad enough
I know that this post is several months old and probably all involved parties have moved on, but I have strong Enjolras declension pattern opinions and so I’m going to post them anyways.
While I suppose that “Enjolras” could be a third-declension noun, it wouldn’t decline exactly like “libertas” – for one thing, libertas has a “t” in its singular nominative, and Enjolras does not. The “tas” endings are what signal the added “t” in the declined stem – e.g. civitas, civitatis; democritas, democritatis. The stem of “Enjolras” would probably simply be be “Enjolr” (as un-Latin as that sounds, but we can discuss more Latin friendly ways to transform his name at another time), giving us a genitive “Enjolris” and a nominative plural “Enjolres”
(Another thing about nouns like “libertas” “civitas” “democritas” and “honestas” is that they are unfailingly feminine, which would make Enjolras an extremely unusual variant if we did sneak a “t” in.)
Here’s what strikes me as more likely: “Enjolras” looks like a Greek masculine nominative mixed first/third declension name. If we stick with Greek, I believe that gives us “Enjolrai” as a nominative plural. This is my preferred option because I like it, and because Enjolras is always being compared to Greek and Greek-ish figures.
If we take his name into Latin, we could fully Latinaize it (Aniorus?), but a more plausible option is to keep the spelling and move it into the Latin first declension. The “s” remains in the singular nominative, but the stem for declension in every other form is “Enjolra”. Here’s our declension chart in Latin:
I believe that this is the way that Vergil declines the Greek name “Aeneas” in the Aeneid, and the internet is telling me that “Aenea” is actually an alternate singular nominative for Aeneas. While masculine first declension nouns are unusual, they are certainly not without copious precedent.
(Please note the plural genitive “Enjolrarum”, because it is fun to say. “Cavete iram Enjolrarum!”)
So there are the plausible options I can think of. Probably “Enjolrae” in Latin, though you could push for “Enjolres” if you really wanted to, and “Enjolrai” in Greek.
Last weekend, I went to see the off-Broadway production of “Hadestown”, a 1920s-esque folk opera retelling of Orpheus and Eurydice. That’s a lot of elements for one show, but yes, really. And it works. It’s based on a 2010 album by Anaïs Mitchell, which you can listen to here, but which is fairly different from the show as it exists now.
It is the best thing I have seen/heard/read in ages, and I want everyone I know to see it immediately so that I can talk about it with more people. Which I realize is a problem, because a) most of you don’t live in NYC, and b) it’s only running until the end of the month. So! Let me tell you about it.
The Orpheus/Eurydice plot plays out fairly close to how it does in the myth: we see them meet, fall in love through Orpheus’s music, Eurydice descends to the Underworld, Orpheus chases after her, they convince Hades and Persephone to let them leave – with, of course, the caveat that they only escape if Orpheus doesn’t look back – and then the tragic ending. The biggest change is in how important the Hades/Persephone relationship and myth is to this play; they become at least co-leads, if not the central figures.
The setting does a lot of work, though it’s more in feel and symbolism than plot points. Orpheus is the great musician, still – but he’s also a penniless romantic that is not particularly concerned with figuring out how to support himself and his new wife, which is a problem in the Depression-esque “Hard Times” of this story. His eventual look back that loses Eurydice – I don’t want to spoil too much, but whew, the show has no sympathy for him. It’s absolutely savage. In the first act, he’s strongly paralleled to Persephone. She seems to be the same sort of feckless dreamer as Orpheus, and Amber Gray, her actress, plays Persephone as a drunken flapper girl who treats summer like an unending party with her as the star. Here’s a photo.
Hades, on the other hand, is the god of work and railroads and industry and factories; “Who makes work for idle hands?” he sings at one point, and yes, he is also much more of a Devil figure here than in the original Greek myth. His underworld is a place where dead souls endlessly build a wall – there’s no particular need for a wall, you see, it’s work simply for the sake of work.
We build the wall to keep out of the enemy, Hades tells his followers, in a catechism-like song, and then asks, “What do we have that they should want?”
The response is: “We have a wall to work upon! We have work and they have none And our work is never done My children, my children And the war is never won The enemy is poverty And the wall keeps out the enemy And we build the wall to keep us free.”
(YES I KNOW. But this song was written in 2010 and is not actually about the Trump campaign, despite any and all horrifying similarities.) Here’s a link to the show’s version of this song, which everyone should absolutely listen to.
In this version of the story, Eurydice does not so much die as sell her soul to escape hunger and cold – that’s her belting out the final verse of Why We Build the Wall, zealous in her temporary seduction by the underworld’s affluence. She and Persephone are both quite explicitly creatures kept in gilded cages, trading freedom for luxury. And they are both, in different ways, furious about the world that took away their choices. They both feel lied to by the men they’re in a relationship with (this show really has no sympathy for men in general, it’s amazing). The difference between them is that Eurydice still has hope for Orpheus, while Persephone hates Hades in the way that only comes from love that’s died.
However, Persephone is after all a goddess and vastly more powerful, and when Eurydice and Orpheus’s story has ended, hers still goes on, repeating its summer/winter cycle forever. It’s ambiguous as to how complicit she is in the humans’ fates; there’s more than a tinge of A Midsummer Night’s Dream here, the supernatural creatures playing out their own cold war through the proxy of hapless mortals. Persephone loudly announces her hatred for the underworld and Hades throughout the show, but her constant use and pushing of alcohol called to my mind the tempting forgetfulness of Styx. In one song she sings to a nameless soul, half-promising and half-mocking:
“Come here, brother, let me guess It’s the little things you miss Spring flowers, autumn leaves Ask me, brother, and you shall receive. Or maybe these just ain’t enough Maybe you’re looking for some stronger stuff I got a sight for the sorest eye When’s the last time you saw the sky?”
After all, what stops you from escaping more than a little false relief?
The casting is diverse – both Eurydice and Persephone are mixed race black women, in another parallel – and all of the acting was amazing. Nabiyah Be (Eurydice) does so much with tiny facial expressions that felt like they shouldn’t carry out to the whole theater, but she was absolutely magnetizing. And I haven’t even had a chance to mention Hermes (Chris Sullivan)! He, along with the three Fates, works as narrator and storyteller and Greek (ha) chorus, and is also fantastic. Everyone was! I desperately want more people to see this, mainly for selfish reasons including but not limited to: they will write interesting meta for me to read, they will produce a cast album, they will make this the next big theater fandom.
I know it’s a bit pointless for me to recommend this, since again most of you probably won’t be able to see it, but I can’t help it but do so. It’s just so good! If you have an chance, absolutely check it out.
So, this was the best thing. And what I want to add here (probably because brigdh is better at scary stuff than me), is that at least for me it was terrifying. If you go into this show knowing nothing about it (as I did) and that damn wall song happens – the theater is in the round, you are sat up on wooden risers, the cast is on the risers with you singing this song and stamping their feet, and it starts reverberating through your body and there’s just enough light to see the other audience members and everyone is looking at each other like “is this actually happening.” I was shaking and crying and just in AWE of getting to have that moment. It’s the darkest (even though that darkness is somewhat accidental since it was written in 2010) experience I’ve ever seen in the theater.
This show is so much about what women do to survive and about the consequences of great men on women’s lives. I grew up with many a woman who wound up with Hades; I was supposed to too. So scary. So great. Go see it (and they did record a cast album so we’ll have that in addition to the original concept album eventually). P.S. if you tweet about the show during intermission don’t be surprised if the cast RT’s you. I was in the bathroom after texting brigdh going “Hades just RT’d me!”)
It occurs to me that according to canon, Ransom and Holster see the world through a very heteronormative lens, so wouldn’t it be kind of amazing if they had accidentally set Jack up on dates with lesbians pretty much constantly through his time at Samwell? Because they just assume all hot girls are going to be up for some Zimmerbanging?
Not just Camilla (though obviously she is Jack’s favourite as they went out a bunch of times), but a lot. Of. Lesbians. While R&H thought Jack was getting a whole lot of action, he was actually hanging out platonically with a bunch of nice, no stress sporty chicks.
Jack always thought it was kind of nice that Ransom and Holster were so good at finding cool girls he could relax around, since his life before Samwell involved a LOT of predatory, celebrity-lusting glamour girls in impractical shoes, which was not much fun at all.
Also if he’s at a party or a dance, he has found that introducing his current date to one of his former dates is a great way to get to go home early. (This is how Camilla acquired four of her five college girlfriends)
Possibly there is a group chat of Samwell girls who dated Jack, which has inadvertently become one of the most effective lesbian hookup hubs on campus.
Ransom and Holster eventually figure it out, after the fourth wedding invitation. “You know, we get invited to a lot of lesbian weddings since we graduated, bro.”
“Rainbow cake is delicious.”
This. is. AWESOME. I love it.
Samwell’s queer women figure out that Jack is in the closet due to his career and band together to uphold his public image as a stud.
“Did you have sex with Jack Zimmermann last night?” one girl asks another.
“Oh yeah, totally,” her friend says.
Ransom and Holster both swivel their heads at Jack, who says, “I’m… pretty sure I didn’t.”
“That’s okay,” Ransom says. “I’ve been that drunk too.”
I see your “they’re banding together to uphold his public image” and propose that perhaps they mention it as a Samwell queer woman specific version of Friends of Dorothy. For example, a girl (Camilla Collins for this example) sees a very pretty girl somewhere near Jack. She makes this girl her target for the night. So she approaches and asks, “Oh, so you’re the one with Zimmermann tonight?” Based on the variable response of, “yeah, I guess, but, like, he’s literally said two words and one of them was hockey, so…” versus “Yep! You went out with him too didn’t you?” it becomes very clear whether or not our hypothetical Samwell queer woman is barking up the correct tree as it were. Instead of Friends of Dorothy, they have the Jack Zimmermann’s Ex club.
Ahahaha. “Oh, you went to Samwell. Did you date Jack Zimmermann?” “Oh boy did I ever, I dated Jack Zimmermann with half the volleyball team.”
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